The miracle of being pregnant

A post by a fellow twin-mommy-to-be prompted me to write this post...It was at one point this weekend when I was suddenly and completely overtaken by intense emotion at what a miraculous concept pregnancy really is. Forget all the anxiety, fear and strange physical reactions - when you grasp the idea that there are actually two real little babies growing inside you and that in just a few weeks, you will start to feel them move, it quite simply takes your breathe away. For the first time since I found out we were expecting twins, they have became so real to me and I can feel that connection strengthening every minute.

My anxiety has been worrying me as it can't be good for me or my babies. It also struck me that my expectations of my Obgyn are unfair as I am expecting to have my anxieties eased by her when in fact this is something I need to deal with myself. I started feeling like it may be a good idea to see someone who can help me shift the fear, or at least park it out of my subconscious so I can be at peace and in tune with my strong desire to bring these babies into the world as healthy and happy.

So I am going to deal with this because it needs to stop now, so I can start to embrace this miraculous event that is happening and be in the right space to welcome what I have waited for, for such a very long long time.

Cots & the Compactum

So, I know I wasn't going to buy anything until after the 20 week scan or even until 26 weeks, but after doing so much research, some bargains presented themselves! So well...we had to start buying!  We were dead keen on buying new cots, but for interest, we looked on Gumtree at second hand cots.  And there they were - two perfectly simple white cots in excellent condition (new R2k-R3k) for only R690 each.  So we bought both and picked them up in Constantia which is just around the corner from us - perfect. When I went to look at them, we landed up chatting about the babies and found out that both their babies were conceived with IVF - the first time 9 IVF's and the second time 6 IVF's! I think it is rather special that our babies will be taking over cots from these little IVF girls - just feels right.

Then today, we popped into Wetherleys just to see what they have...and there it was.  A perfect antique finish wooden compactum. The price on the tag was crazy but we spotted a sign on top of it saying it was half this price.  We checked and yes it was on special only until today.  So we ordered one right then and there. They also have such lovely extras - exactly in the style I am wanting for the nursery - little antique rose print cushions, beatrix potter prints, vintage style toys etc. Pricey but lovely. There is also a great shelf and a wonderful wingback chair which is exactly what I want as a feeding chair...but we will look around as it isn't cheap!

So the nursery is well on its way to becoming a real project. We have to do some serious rearranging of furniture to make space for decorating the nursery (we have too much furniture!) and I still need to see if a single bed will even fit into the nursery - might not. So at the very least, a good feeding chair is a must.

This is sort of the decor style I am looking at - without getting too girly though.

Will keep to mostly neutrals with a little pink for our girl and a little brown / blue for our boy - vintage type fabrics - stripes, antique flowers, checks, etc - it won't be purely vintage as the cots are white so it will have a contemporary edge. The room already has antique wardrobes, so the compactum will look great together with them.

This is the compactum we ordered - but in antique wood, not white.

The wingback chair I love - fabric to be decided on and makes a huge difference to the cost.

I have also found some lovely stuff at Mr Price Home - perfect quilts, crochet blankets, etc.
Roll on week 20 so I can start shopping!!!

Anxiety and my OB but all is good!

So off I went to the OB appointment this morning...the one that was supposed to be on the 8th June until I crumbled yesterday and made it earlier!

All I wanted was to see them so I forgot to tell the OB that I had been extra crampy the last couple of days (I think this is because the placenta is in a serious growth phase and embeds deeper into the uterine wall at this stage, but could also just be normal uterine growing pains). I chatted to her about my anxiety but this was met with quite a practical and non-emotional response. When I asked if we could have 2 weekly appointments she didn't seem to think this was necessary and said she believes it is a waste of money before 26 weeks as they can only help the babies at this stage if a problem growing etc and that if there is a problem, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do before this. I felt like she was saying it would also be a bit of a waste of her time too as she said her practice is very busy. She did say afterwards, in her matter-of-fact manner that it is fine and I must just make the appointments as I need to and it is normal, and seeing is believing so she wasn't un-caring, just very matter-of-fact and to the point.

I admit, in my wobbly state, I felt a little like bursting into tears and saying "well if you can't give me what I want I will find someone who can" however on the other side, perhaps my emotional wobbliness needs some real grounded realism and practicality - German efficiency. Maybe I need that to counter my anxiety rather than have an OB who is overly anxious and cautious? What is more important?  An OB you can trust in ability and professionalism or an OB that is compassionate and caring? I am not sure if I should try another OB at the same hospital - problem is they all work together anyway.

I have put on 5kg since last seeing her and she said it is a bit too much - another area where I am confused as everything I have read about successfully carrying twins to term says it is really important to put on weight early to nourish their development as later it is difficult to eat as much.  Also, with a twin pregnancy one should put on up to 20kg. Such a pity there isn't a pure twin OB specialist as I would seriously consider moving to one. Also, I am not doing hardcore gym and my body is extremely reactive to exercise and the lack of it....I pick up weight fast if I am not doing loads of cardio, and YES I am eating more!!!

Anyway, she scanned and I saw instantly they were both okay - both heartbeats going strong.  Our little boy was kicking and jiggling up a storm and pushing his hands upwards against his sac and our little girl was snoozing. She commented on how sweet Little Madam was not waking up seeing her brother was kicking so much.  There was another cute moment when you could see them lying together head to head.  They have moved sideways now and are lying next to each other. The placenta looks good and is covering the cervix at this point - may move up as the uterus grows. I was just relieved and happy to know they are okay. She said all looks great and they just need to do what they need to do right now which is to grow..

Here are our cuties today, measuring 15 weeks 4 days, and both about 9.7cm...

Chatted to the sweet receptionist afterwards and she said that it is completely normal to have anxiety and that I must just make as many appointments as I need - I am not the first to feel paranoid! So I compromised and made the next two appointments for 3 weeks apart with the 20 week Fetal Assessment scan in-between. Then I made 4 appointments 2 weeks apart from 20 July to end August when I will be 29 weeks.  Works for me!!!

15 Weeks and OB app tomorrow!

15 Weeks today!!!

Have been dealing with a bit of anxiety lately and trying very hard to concentrate on positive affirmations and positivity to squash all the negative and fearful thoughts that keep distracting me. I have also been talking to the twins explaining to them why mommy is feeling this way as the last thing I was is to project my fear to them! This morning I started feeling really anxious that it would still be a long 2 weeks wait until my scheduled Obgyn appointment. It has been 5 weeks (!!!!) since my last appointment! 

Then I read on the forum that one of the twin specialists believes in 2 weekly appointments as standard for twins, so I called my OB and asked if there was an earlier appointment....and there was....tomorrow at 07h45! So I will be seeing our babies tomorrow. So so pleased.

Got all emotional and teary on the phone as I was making the appointment, and again just thinking about seeing them.  Must be the pregnancy hormones in full flow.

And I am going to ask for 2 week appointments from here on. Simple.

The doppler drama

So my gifted fetal heatbeat doppler arrived today and I rushed off to the Post Office to collect it, then rushed home and leapt onto the bed, squirted the gel onto the tummy and turned it on...and there were no heartbeats!

There was a doef doef sound and some other squishy whooshy noises, but no whaa whaa of the hearts! I was pretty calm despite this and rushed off to...yes...UTube to look for videos of the same fetal doppler in action...and in each video...the whaa whaa whoosh sounds were unmistakable. I sent urgent messages to my forum friends and Nita even called me back to chat about what I should be hearing. I tried again....no whaa whaa whoosh.....just doef doef doef and gurgling. And apparently the doef doef is the blood flow to the placenta.

So I breathed. And then slept. And asked for the answer. And it came to me...Keep calm, when DH comes home, he will find them.

And DH came home.
And he found our babies.
Both heartbeats going strong.

14 Weeks

14 Weeks yesterday!  My bump is definitely growing...but I can't help but wonder if they are still there. I feel I need more assurance and have started feeling anxious again in the last few days. 

A wonderful woman from the forum is posting me her fetal heart doppler, and it should arrive on Monday. I can't wait to get it so I can at least look for their heart beats and hear them.  I am sure this will put me more at ease until I start feeling them move from about 17 - 18 weeks - from 16 June or so. 4 Weeks of anxiety...and my next OB app and scan is only in 18 days time!!! It is too long to wait to see them again.  I might, just might have to book a sneaky scan with my dear Prof if the heart doppler doesn't cut it!

My heartburn, night peeing and growing belly give me some comfort, but it would be so great to see or hear them.

13 Weeks

13 Weeks and 3 days today so we are well into our 14th week...

I definitely have a bump growing. I find myself holding it in most of the time (maybe because I still just look fat at this stage) but when I let my stomach muscles relax, there is a real noticeable bump. 

Just had a sudden craving for a juicy hamburger so we going to find one quickly...will finish post when we get back...nom nom....

Okay...protein urge satisfied. Yum.

Happily, a lot of the queasiness has faded.  It still comes and goes but not nearly as bad as it was, thank goodness.  The extreme tiredness is also not as bad. Am still needing to get up to wee in the night - sometimes once, sometimes still three times. I wonder how the twins are doing and how big they are today. I hope they are all warm and suggly and happy. Think I may need to re-watch the NT scan dvd today just to see them again.  How am I going to wait another 3 weeks until my next OB appointment??? 

A BOY and a GIRL!

So we went for the fetal assessment scan yesterday - 12 weeks and 4 days. What an absolutely mind-blowing experience. I was fixated with the plasma screen, watching every little movement and detail and when the heartbeat sound of the first baby was played, I started crying...it is so unreal and so miraculous that these two precious little beings are gowing inside me. ME!

Then she told me, Baby 2 is a little girl. She was lying there all well-behaved, drinking amniotic fluid and swallowing...so cute. All her measurements were absolutely perfect. She is 71.5mm - quite tall and slim, and has a lovely nose already. Her heartbeat was 166 beats per minute. Baby 1 was not cooperating and as he is lying at the bottom, all my scar tissue made it tricky for her to see....but eventually, after much prodding with the scanner, he moved and there it was...a little willy!!!

                                         Can you see it? Definitely a boy!!!

A boy!!!He has very long legs just like dad and is fatter than the girl and is about 70mm. His heart was racing at 173 beats per minute - apparently could be all the adrenalin from me as I was so nervous! All his measurements apart from the fast heartbeat were also perfect.  Both are measuring at 13 weeks.

So apparently the boy will be the first born and the girl will follow - even if we have a caeser. At the moment he is lying at the bottom and she is lying on top...but eventually they move into a more side by side position.

                This is turned to the side,,,but he is on the bottom and she is on top - facing each other - so cute!

Here is our girl...

And here is our boy...

And the best of all is we got the dvd of the whole hour's scan...so I can watch it again and again! Our next fetal assessment scan will be at 20 weeks 6 days on 6 July! And it will be a long 4 weeks wait now until 8 June for my next Obgyn appointment and scan - 16w6d...eeeeek - how am I going to wait that long???

I am more in awe than ever.

12 Weeks!!!

I still can't grasp the fact that I am really here - finally at 3 months pregnant!!!! We have reached the first critical milestone and now move into the 2nd trimester. Almost to the day, the queasiness lessened slightly during the day and heartburn arrived. Happily, the heartburn has not become a permanent thing and hasn't been as bad again. Apparently it starts as the progesterone levels increase to the point where it relaxes the valve on the top of your stomach and allows acid to push up into the oesophagus - not pleasant and had to stop my splurge on oranges and citrus as this was making things worse.

I am not complaining, just find the pregnancy journey quite fascinating so far...it is incredible how your body responds as an incubator to growing babies. My boobs have grown and my nipples have changed shape with new blue veins along the sides -fascinating. The food aversions, constant metallic taste and flow of saliva, queasiness and all the other strange and scary symptoms.....I will not lie and say I have thoroughly enjoyed the 1st trimester, because I really haven't so far - from a symptom perspective, that is.  However, from the perspective of this miracle that is unfolding and the reality that two very special babies are growing inside my womb, it has been one of the most significant experiences in my life so far.

At 12 weeks...here's how the twins are doing...

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 5 cm long (about the size of a lime) and weighs about 14grams.

I cannot wait for Monday and I so hope we will find out what we are having and that they are perfectly healthy....please little twins be fine.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and it will be the 2nd time I have been pregnant on Mother's Day.  The first time was at 7 weeks - the ectopic in Namibia - and I remember being so happy at the idea that I was actually going to be a mum. I am slightly more wary this time even though I am 3 months pregnant...I think I will only feel like a mum when I am actually holding them in my arms finally.

What a magic thought.

Scan # 6 & 7

Went for my last scan with Prof this morning...very sad and very happy to say goodbye to the Fertility Clinic...still can't believe that I have been going there for the past 6 -7 years on and off...And finally, I am leaving with twins growing inside me...such a miracle.

I had also gone for a scan last Tuesday - dates for the twins were 10w6days but Prof said I was more likely about 10w3days or 4 days...seems they are ahead then in terms of growth for now...here they are...

                                         Twin 1 showing as 40.9mm and 11weeks!!

                                          Twin 2 at 39.5mm and 10w6days!
They are growing really well says Prof and both are happy. This morning, one twin was kicking about and the other one was snoozing and wouldn't wake up...but both heartbeats strong...here they are...

              Twin 1 measuring 11w2days and 44.7mm, but I don't think this is accurate as another measurement showed 12 weeks!!!

              And Prof seems to have measured Twin 1 again (not Twin 2 LOL) and showing here as 11w6days and 50.5mm!!!

So it really shows how variable the measurements can be! Didn't get a pic of Twin 2 today - but that could have been the 12 week measurement he referred to. Anyway, he was happy and then gave me a few words of advice re twin pregnancies.  He said that I should be resting a lot from 25 weeks, on my side. The biggest worry with twin pregnancies is preterm labour and hypertension. And, he would advise leaving work at about 28 weeks as the goal is to reach at least 33 weeks!!!!!! I was planning on working all the way up to 32 weeks (end September) so am hoping I will feel fit and healthy and up to it then...will have to see how it goes. That is like 4 months away and would be around the end August!! Gosh...

I have decided to wait for my Fetal Assessment Scan on Monday before telling everyone at work...that will make me 12 weeks and 3-4 days. Then no more scans for a loooong 4 weeks until my next Obgyn appointment. 

Hang in there and grow little happy Twins xxx

Twin pregnancy week 11

So I have decided to start weekly "Twin pregnancy" entries from now on...

We are finally at or around our week 11! There seems to be some confusion about when I actually move into the next week.  The FS said that my week 10 was officially on Monday 25 April, but according to the scan results on Tuesday, I was 10w6days! (give or take 3 days either way) So Prof said we should calculate Tuesday as 10w3days. That means then I should've moved into week 11 on Saturday 30 April. And next Sat, I will finally be week 12!!!!!! Very complicated...but just shows you how much the CTR measurements can change things. Oh yes and we discussed the progesterone and he is more than happy that I stay on Cyclogest until 12 weeks - down from 3 a day to 1 a day.

The scan with Prof on Tuesday went well - he spent more time looking at the twins that I did LOL. He checked their growth and all good - Twin 1 was 10w6d and 39.5mm and Twin 2 was 11w0d and 40.9mm! Both of them were bouncing around like crazy. Hilarious to watch and I couldn't stop laughing! I will load the pics when I get back to work.

He asked me if I wanted to come in again for another weekly scan next Tuesday and I said of course...he said that is good as he liked to see all four of us! I think he is enjoying seeing them grow too. So Tues will be my last scan with dear Prof. He might want to see me again once he gets the fetal assessment results...but only if there is a problem. Unless of course I need a sneaky scan sometime in the future...but I think I will handle waiting for my next Obgyn appointment 4 weeks after the fetal assessment scan next Monday. Just think, next Mon, we might just find out what the twins are...2 girls, 2 boys or 1 girl, 1 boy....soooo exciting. I hope they are both perfectly ok...I don't want to have to make any hard decisions...oh please no.

This 11 day break has been great in that I have done nothing. Nothing I was going to do! I had all these projects planned, meditations lined up, etc, but I have felt like doing none of it. Have been queasy 24/7 and instead indulged in some serious sleeping and reading. Really have been feeling rather non...

So, next scan...Tuesday...
Fetal assessment scan...next Monday...
Then 4 weeks until my 16 week Obgyn appointment...

Stay safe little twins please...mummy needs you to be strong and happy and to grow x