Finn & Rebecca

Finn & Rebecca

Sunday, March 11, 2012

And today...

And today would have been the second day of being officially year ago...We did our blood test on the 10 March 2011 and the first beta was high enough for us to start wondering about whether it was twins. I still look at our babies...6 months later...and can't believe they are really here, that I was ever even pregnant...

I hear them, I see them, I know they are here, but it is still unreal. IF has penetrated the definition of me for so long, that I still have to pinch myself now and again to remind myself that I am really a mommy. I have been thinking about the issue of blogging now as a parent after IF, and I hope it is okay to just step out of that old club without feeling guilty. How healing it is, to be writing about their progress and growth, about our new journey as a family...

My heart always still sends love and light to all the women still on the journey and I want to shout from the rooftops to all of you never ever to give up until your family becomes your reality as every bit of pain is worth it.

Why we need to have to work through all that disapointment and pain is another issue completely but for whatever reason...please know that for me it was still worth every tear, every rip of my heart, every feeling of worthlessness, to now be able to hold my babies tight in my arms.

I want to leave fear behind me now. I want to celebrate this new role I am living. 

The day I found out I was pregnant....exactly one year ago today...


  1. I think for those of us who've walked a long road of IF the reality never really sinks in. I'm now 9 months down the line and I still look at Kade with disbelief that he is mine and that I was pregnant with him...

    Here's to putting fear in the past where it belongs and embracing motherhood whilst still thinking of and praying for those fighting for this honor.


  2. And I remember how happy I was for you when you announced your BFP!

    I also can't believe that I am actually a mom and I get to use the words 'my son'. Its a beautiful ending to a hard hard journey. Not easy, but worth it in the end.

  3. This time of year will always remain so special for us, so filled with the happiness of that special news. Your photo is fab, you look totally shell shocked at the news. Totally stunned and disbelieving.

  4. cam, thank you so much for this I am still on the dark bumpy road and seeing you with you gorgeous babies as they grow gives me hope - is there any way I can contact you I have had a similar hard road to you miscarriages, laporotomy and blocked tubes - i am also looking into donor eggs as i am on the cusp of 39 . my email is I just have a question re blocked tubes and donor eggs and think your experience may be able to shed some light on my predicament