Working towards a lower bmi?

Well, on instruction from my FS, I have been working towards lowering my excessive bmi! Okay, I am on a losing weight mission...a diet if you must. And so far I have lost 4.5kg! Yeah! I am committed but in a healthy long-lasting sort of a way. I DO NOT want to be on a starvation diet so I am counting calories (1500+- per day) and I am going to gym. 10 kg to go...

Going to gym is pretty awesome in that you get to subtract 300 calories a pop! So you can eat a little more, or not depending on how badly you crave carbs. While the weight is dropping slowly, it is much more civilised not to be manic-obsessive about the process. On the other hand, I admit, everytime you eat something you really shouldn't, you ponder how many minutes it would take to deduct the credit on the bicycle!!!!

So, all in preparation for my next shot at IVF...hopefully April if all goes well!

And, amazingly exciting news - we are going to America at the end of March! I am going for a conference and DH is coming with so we can extend for a little R and R - hopefully in Mexico - the news was so unexpected but hugely fabulous!

Maybe life will start in the land of the dead? An unexpected miracle as the perfect fertilised egg drifts down the last tube which miraculously has unblocked itself? I do believe in miracles.

Why angels?

Why angels on my mind? Well I like to think of the 3 babies that never were as my little lost angels. I know angels are ethereal beings and divine messengers that have never lived as humans, but each of the 3 little possible souls sent to me never got to live and they helped me to learn many lessons. It doesn't matter if you lose a pregnancy as early as 6 or 7 weeks, you still mourn the loss and wonder what that baby would have been like. While time does dull the hurt, you never really forget the sadness. Some may think it is easier when you lose one so early, but it is still so very very sad.

I also discovered the world of angels and am still enbracing this inspirational spiritual awareness everyday. I embarked on my spiritual journey looking for answers and found a wonderful place for my intuition and self awareness to grow. So angels are in my life, in one form or another - and I welcome their love and help everyday. As for "my" little angels that have returned to the source - may we meet again one day on this earth or another.

My first blog entry and support

Why does one convince oneself that support from others is a sign of weakness? What the hell is wrong with me - where did that come from? Who said I had to be the responsible, strong one? Conditioning to a degree I am sure and a tendency to be the go-between, the resolver of conflict, the glue, the stable one.

I have realised that I get to ask for support. I need to admit that I am not always strong, I am needy, I can mourn, I can cry, I can ask for help. And that doesn't make me weak, it makes me real.

So I have started this blog as part of the long journey I have been on in my quest to conceive as well as being a place for my story. Whatever that is, whatever that may be... And in using this space it is my way of putting myself out there, inviting support, being real.