Finn & Rebecca

Finn & Rebecca

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Fearlessly fearful

I really do not have enough words for this.

When you are told that your mother has stage IV small cell lung cancer which has already metastatised to a brain tumour and a definitive time left with you in this lifetime, everything goes very quiet and then so noisy you can't think straight. Then the panic sets in. Then the fear. Then just nothingness and sadness. You cry until there are simply no tears left or so you thought.

While shock is numbing, information nudges you into reality. Statistics are rude and loud. And I want to be fearless for her. But I am fearful. Of what may come, of the road ahead she now faces. Not for me as much, but for her. My mother. How could she not be here forever?

I do not want to say goodbye.

It is too soon.

8 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. It's always too soon.

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  2. Cam you, your mom, and family are in my prayers. It is always too soon.

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  3. I'm so very sorry to hear of your mother and this awful diagnosis. Cancer is a very difficult journey. I pray you find strength, peace and love with your mom as she faces this.

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  4. Cam. I am so sorry. There are no words.

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  5. You and your family are in my prayers. My dad has lung cancer as well and in addition he had multiple strokes. I know how you feel.

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  6. Dearest Dearest Cam: thinking about you with all love

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  7. i'm here from LFCA - I am so sorry about your mom's diagnosis and the sadness and fear you are experiencing. All I can say is be there with her and for her on her journey and give her a lifetimes love each day. ((HUGS))

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  8. I'm so sorry Cam. Treasure every moment with her, don't look towards what may come but look at the now and the time you can spend in kindness and happiness, doing and saying all the things that you may not have had a chance to do in the past.

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