Finn & Rebecca

Finn & Rebecca

Friday, July 9, 2010

DHEA, POA and a sprinkle of hope

Since the cancelled IVF, I have been doing some work on the way forward for me on this IF journey.

Firstly, I went to have my SCIO Biofeedback done...interestingly, he said my stress levels are in check and my brain waves are running at an above average frequency which not only points towards an above average intelligence (mmmm thanks!!!) but means I can handle higher levels of stress comfortably...(mmmm right?) far so good. Then up popped my pituatary gland reading a little out-of-whack, which I would have expected considering the abuse it is put through being stimmed so radically with IVF. He suggested I take some Pituaplex to balance this out. On the risk front, "Trauma" spiked the charts meaning unresolved trauma issues on a cellular level - need to be resolved. Mmm, good thing I had already decided to make an appointment with a therapist then. So off I went...

And it went well. If you can call blubbing your way through 3 hours of some hard hitting unresolved childhood emotions and past traumatic memories from the ruptured ectopic that I had cleverly tucked away. I have agreed to work with her to sort through this all and help me clear all the blocks that may be limiting me on this journey to motherhood. Amazing how the teacher only arrives when the pupil is ready and what has to happen to get to this point!

Then, we met with our Prof...and the ball is in our court. Prof went through my increasingly poor track record but added it was still puzzling due to our natural conceptions albeit ectopic. It boils down to how much time, money and emotion we have to push into this slot machine (me!) with poor odds. Prof has put me back on DHEA as there is increasing evidence that this really can help, even though it did nothing last time. DH and I still want our genetic baby, so we are going to give it another go with my own eggs. And then....we will see. One step at a time. One hope at a time. We have options. No rush. No anxiety.

So for now, I will carry on with this new course of positive...take one day at a time....start gathering up the hope again...get stronger...take the plunge...and pray for a miracle all the way.

Mum is not doing well at all and has been in hospital since Sunday with a bad infection, low sodium levels and a very low white blood count after the last chemo. She is weak and disorientated and we are worried about plans for care once she is home. Please get stronger again mum. Angels be with her and help her to get through this. I may need to go to Knysna next week to help sort things out so mum can be at home...this is very scary.


  1. Cam I am so sorry to hear that your Mum is not doing well. Sending you lots of love and strength for her recovery and her care.

    And just keep holding onto that hope with both hands for you and your mum.

  2. Sham Cam, I'm sorry about your mum. I can only imagine how hard it must be. It sounds like a good plan so far and very interesting feedback from the BIO oke! Good luck and be brave working through those wounds. Have you ever done The Journey? Apparently it does wonders for clearing trauma on an emotional level.

  3. I am so sorry about your Mum...hope all improves.

    Love your post...I love being given a reason to have hope and believe...

  4. I'm so sorry to hear Mum is not doing well Cam. It's so hard to get used to having sick parent. Sending you both love and strength.

    As for your POA I know that only you and DH can decide when to "give up" on that genetic baby. With you all the way and hoping and praying that the DHEA and therapy does it's magic.


  5. Cam I am thinking of you and your mum.
    Sending you strength and hope ...

  6. Dear Cam,

    I LOVE your blog, thanks for sharing - you are so creative my angel friend. You write beautifully and the whole layout invokes calm in my soul. I am going to come here more often. I am so sorry your mom is not well, am sending you so much love to endure this terrible time.... lots of love Chloe