Finn & Rebecca

Finn & Rebecca

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Hope is dwindling

Our frontrunning so-called great embie has stopped growing. What a way to start a Saturday. With the call that cuts through your hope and makes that feeling of dread and hopelessness stick in your throat.

The other embie that was rescued with ICSI is still dividing and looks good but who knows what will happen to that one. I know you are meant to stay positive but it is a little difficult when nothing goes according to plan. Now I am aware of putting the reality into prespective (yes....worse things have happened, it could be worse, etc etc), but trust me, any hope that is heartfelt and sincere hurts when it is ripped away.

And so we wait for the call tomorrow when we will hear what has happened to little embie 2. Is he a fighter? Will we still make it to transfer on Monday? I must admit I am feeling helpless and useless and while that is not a natural state for me, it is where I am right now.

I even did a search on "life being childless" and didn't find anything inspirational at all. I can not come to terms with this possibility - it is just not what I saw for my journey in this lifetime. And as for that saying "it is not the destination, it is the journey"....whatever. Those words of wisdom suck right now....

1 comment:

  1. Hey Friend

    oh I cant even begin to imagine what it must be like. I just keep keep keep thinking, that one day when that little soul/those little souls arrive, how much love and joy will be waiting on this side to greet him/her/them. Dont give up Cam! And if there ever comes a time where you have to give up, we are here to support you. See you tomorrow. Ady