Went for scan yesterday and at first I didn't want to look at the monitor. When the FS said, "oh that is a disadvantage", I almost fell off the bed with disbelief. So I looked. I had to. And there on the RHS were three small follies - 13-14mm each. WTF? And then moving over to the LHS, 2 huge follies at 20-22mm already, were smiling at us saying "woohoo, we are ready!" How does that happen? How do these little follies change their minds so radically for no apparent reason and decide to grow on a whim while some just lag behind? So FS decided on the spot to give me the trigger shot that night and to move to ER on Wednesday so as not to potentially lose the two front-runners. He added that he was concerned they would become post-mature...oh great.
So there I sat outside the scan room waiting for meds, and my ole fave FS walks past and asks me "How are you doing?". And what do I do?...Promptly burst into tears and spluttered out "There are only twoooooooo...". He must have regretted asking me that question - but don't men know not to ask that by now and FS's especially - you are just asking for an emotional outburst if things are not that great!!! Anyway, as I choked on my tears, he says to me "Camilla, you have been pregnant before. We only need one".
The fear closed in and negativity covered me in a hard shell so quickly that I almost wrote the entire cycle off there and then. I have been here before and I know the ending.
Later that evening I met with one of my intuition course friends and after a great chat, I realised that I simply cannot give into the darkness. She gave me Louise Hay's CD "How to heal your life" which is an extension from the book with all the top metaphysical authors speaking about how to change your life through chosing to change, be positive, live with affirmations etc. I realised that I cannot give up before I have even started, fear or no fear. I will acknowledge the fear and then move into the light. Anything is perfectly possible. Right now. If I don't truly believe this how can I create it?
So, I am back in a positive space and I plan to stay here no matter what.
Because all you need is one.