What will be will be

I keep telling myself, what will be will be.

On Wednesday I went under aneasthetic for follicle aspiration. We retrieved 3 eggs - 2 mature and 1 immature. Had to wait 24 hours before first fert report on Thursday. I asked DH to call as I had an owners meeting and couldn't bear the thought of having bad news before being harrassed by the new CEO, who is a bit of a tosser. But...I couldn't wait and sent DH frantic smses to just tell me if it was good or bad news. Instead of indulging my need for skimpy information, he waited an hour before calling me to tell me that only one of the two mature eggs had fertilised and they were waiting for the immature egg to mature and would then fertilise it. Okay...so not great but not too bad...I can hang in the hope camp.

On Friday, again I couldn't make the call. DH found out the news and emailed me. The fertilised eggie had divided and the immature eggie had matured and fertilised. Good news. Great, we stay put in the hope camp.

During retrieval, the anesthetist had popped in for a visit and asked if I was a good hen. I replied, "no, not really". DH added, we are going for free range and grain fed eggs! LOL. So I have named the embies "Free-range" (the first one to fertilise and divide) and the second embryo "Grain-fed" (as he needed a little more nutrition to get going).

On Saturday, we were having breakfast at the Olive Station and my cell rang. I answered. Sister Fourie told me that Grain-fed had not divided. Free range was now a 5 cell embryo, but on day 3 they would like to see an 8 cell. She said that she would call again on Sunday and if all is well, we will do a Monday embryo transfer. If all is well. If. If. If. It has to be well.

Sunday....am waiting for the call.....

The call came at 11.11am.

Free-range is still only a 5 cell. Not good. And Grain-fed started growing and is a 4 cell. Mmmm. This is starting to feel like deja-vu.

I am to go in tomorrow at 11am and if Grain-fed has grown I presume they will want to do the transfer. If the embies have not grown, I leave again with another cancelled cycle.

Not really sure what to do now. Not sure what we will do if this is cancelled again. Maybe it is time to call it a day and let what is to be, be.