Saturday, November 14, 2009
My consolation prize after all...introducing the newest member of our family....Persia Halo.
Persia is Asia's cousin a couple of times removed! She comes from the same Bengal breeder and they share a grandmother/ great grandmother. We got to see her - she is a F2 so still very Asian Leopard cat and oh so wild. The breeder also had some amazing silver Bengals, but they were all sold. In any case, we really can't get more than 4 cats! Enough animals for now?
Persia is a beauty. She is a brown marbled Bengal and has lots of glitter fur already (shiny golden hairs that glisten in the light). She has a special gold spot on her back and a pyramid on her neck and of course the Bengal spots on her tummy. I think her adult fur will be spectacular. She spent her first week in our bedroom and has been very good until last night when she decided it was playtime at 5am....mmmmm.....
We introduced her to Asia today. At first he was most disgruntled but extremely curious. He spent the morning observing her, growling, mock-charging and checking her out. Persia is quite brave but mewls at him. As I write this, Asia is changing tactic and seems to be trying out a more playful approach. Persia is not so sure about this and is ducking under tables with a squirrel tail. In a couple of days I am sure they will be playing up a storm.
We picked her up on the way back from Knysna. Was great to see mum feeling so well. I am so proud of how she is coping with this illness and I am constantly sending her strength and healing light.
Have been feeling a lot of anxiety since my cancelled cycle - all sorts of imagery and fearful thoughts keep invading my peace of mind - very unwelcome actually. This mirrors my dull state of the moment. My energy levels are low and I find myself listless and a little detached. Had a really bad week with AF at its worst and most painful as well as an incessant headache I couldn't shake. Whether delay tactics or masking my real anxiety or oh whatever.
I do think about it every now and then and I do not know what to do next. I think we need to go speak to the Prof and take it from there. The thought that this journey seems never-ending is wearing me down. Perhaps it is time to give it up even though it feels so wrong. Have been sorting through old photo's and folders today....seeing all the family children growing....seeing the love...seeing the smiles....seeing what we don't have....thinking if I can do it without my DNA....wondering if even that will work....wondering what I will do if it doesn't....not thinking, thinking, not thinking.
I am going to see a medical intuitive on Thursday - perhaps she can shed some light on my physical manifestations and inspire some hope? I hope. Holding onto hope. And in the meantime, I bless all the good things in my life and most especially the love with my so very special DH.
Posted by Cam at 3:00 PM