Finn & Rebecca

Finn & Rebecca

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gratitude for the Now

Mum's tumour has grown. Doubled its size since chemo stopped. I finally got hold of her oncologist and he was not overly pessimistic saying that for now she is still doing well. He wants to do a course of radiation and focus on keeping it under control and try to shrink it again. There is no definitive answer to what is coming.

Mum had asked me to call her dr with a list of questions as she was really still in a state of shock at the news that the tumour is growing aggressively. But for now, the message is loud and clear - mum must live in the now and focus on each single day, one at a time. Every moment must be treasured and lived fully. By living for what may come, you miss the moment you are in and there may be so much beauty and gratitude in that moment. Her dr told me that this is the lesson people living with cancer learn but one which we should all live by as none of us know what is coming. Wise words.

Yesterday mum in a panic had called on St Jude for help. Not a few minutes later, she read a passage in an article in the paper she was reading about a man waiting for news on a growth that was being tested and how he realised how important it was to live in the now and not to lose even one moment as it may hold so many things to be happy for....and now her Dr had the same message...synchronicity still suprises me and how wonderful for my mum that she knows her St Jude is close to her and listening to her calls for help.

So today and for all the past days of the week and for all future days to come, I have gratitude for now, for living in the now, for coming to the realisation that now is all that is actually important.

So I will take that lesson close to my heart as I wait for my follie scan tomorrow. At my scan on Tuesday, I only have one rather dominant follicle and a couple of real smallies. Prof was wavering about cancelling, but decided to wait until Thursday and relook. So we may have IVF #4 cancelled before we even get to ER... But. I will not worry as I have handed it over...and I am staying in the now...for now.


  1. Oh Cam, I'm so terribly sorry to hear this. I wish you strength and I'm always here, anytime you need hot chocolate and cake after work, say the word. Huge big fat hug. Times 10.

  2. I do not even know what to say....I just want to send you lotsa love and strength to cope with the trying times you are going through.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you always
    Love M

  3. Sorry Cam. Such difficult times.
    Thinking of you and your mum.
    Love, Sophie

  4. Cam I'm so sorry that your Mom's tumour has grown, so bloody sorry. BUT you know the doctor gave excellent advise - learning to live in the now is not easy by any means but if you can learn how to, I think it goes a long way.

    Praying for you all.


  5. Hi there,
    You don't know me but I read your blog fairly regularly - am member of fertilicare - your posts these last few weeks have really inspired me. Truly sorry to hear about the heartache that you are experiencing with regards your Mom's tumour and your cancelled IVF. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong. You will be blessed.