I just can't seem to let go of our two snowbabies...two perfect embryos on ice, just waiting to implant and start to grow. We got our invoice to keep them frozen for another year and while I know we should just confirm that we cannot proceed with another pregnancy, I just can't seem to do it. I also don't want to donate them..I want them for myself. Does that make sense? Even though I know the doctors have advised in the harshest terms that I should not attempt to carry another pregnancy, let alone another possible set of twins, my heart loves them already. They could be another perfect two babies. What if they were Finn or Rebecca.
How am I going to let them go?
Finn & Rebecca
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
13 Month Update
Age: The babes are 13 months old (or 11 months if like me you just can't quite stop adjusting yet). I think I am still reluctant to say they are actually one as they have not started walking yet and I was sure they would start before they turned one, if I look at their developmental progress so far. They are both standing balancing perfectly but just haven't taken a step yet...am still sure it will be in the next month or so...
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Height/Weight: Finn must be just over 10kg as he was 9.940g on 8th Oct. You can really notice how their weight gain has slowed down now since they started crawling as he only gained 400g in 2.5 months! Becky was only 8.960g, a 700g gain but at the Paed she was over 9kg - not sure if she lost weight or just difference in scales?? Anyway, both are on track growthwise and looking good on the chart - Finn is over the green line and Becky is right on it - so perfect!
Developmental notes: Both are still standing around and balancing nicely. They then drop to the floor and crawl off at great speeds. They both realise now that the bed has an edge and are learning to turn around and push off backwards. They have started to be fascinated by putting objects inside other things - the shape circle toy is a great hit but they get so frustrated when the shape doesn't fit. Finn loves standing in his push cart like a chariot and he loves wheels and things that move. Rebecca loves the ball pool and diving into it. Her newest words are "giggle" and "tickle" and they both say "daddy" perfectly. They also say "weeeeeeee". Rebecca is an exceptional mimic and often still says once off words, so clearly you wonder if you heard right. I think she is storing them all up in her fast developing brain for later brilliant articulation lol. Finn still calls out mumum for me. They love it when I play round and round the garden on their hands and they giggle loudly as I tickle them under their armies.
Both have started disliking being changed and sometimes cry and kick when we put them on the changing mat for a change - really no idea why. It is hectic as they kick me in my stomach, they are getting too big for the changing table but it still so convenient that I am loathe to change the set up. Becs has never liked being changed and still cries after bathtime as we dress her...so tiresome and we wish they would both just happily lie there but alas. Of course they could also just be really tired by that stage and we are lucky that bathtime is always a happy time. There are no new teeth...wonder when the next lot will arrive.
Eating: Mmmm...Becs has started being disinterested in all the usual foods she loved - very frustrating. I think it is ingrained into us that we must make sure kids eat their food, but after reading up on it, I know I should chill - have read that their growth slows down now and often they do not need as much food as they have been getting. Also a child will not let themselves starve and will eat if hungry. It is still hard though as I love seeing them enjoy food. Finn still eats pretty much everything and has gone from being sensitive to textures to pretty much eating whatever you give him. Becs new favourite is peanut butter on bread. She also way prefers feeding herself so I have started putting a variety of food chopped up in front of her and that's how she has been eating for the past few days. I have also wondered if it is because the milky tea during the day may be filling her up? They are supposed to be drinking at least 300mls of milk a day which they do between their morning and evening bottles, so I am going to give them none or less milk during the day and see if that makes a difference. On the other hand I have been worrying that they are not getting enough liquids as they don't really drink a lot of water during the day - how do you know if they need more liquids??
Just after I wrote this...we had the worst lunch feeding EVER! Both freaking out, crying and not wanting to eat anything...a first! Finn had face planted and hurt his mouth so am hoping that was his problem and Rebecca had a few mouthfuls of rice and pumpkin and some small pieces of lamb and then started fog-horning! Geesh she can kwef...she has this loud na na na na screech. They used to LOVE lamb and veg...well not now. I landed up giving them a peanut butter brown bread sami...not great but they ate that! Please babies snap out of this food strike phase. I don't want to fill you up on bread...
Sleep: So we did seperate them and it has been SO much better as we do not rush in at the first peep, hearts racing to avoid a double wake up anymore. Even though I would prefer them to be together, it is actually much less stressful now. Sleep training went really well in the beginning and then Becs got a snotty nose again...and it says do not sleep train when they are sick. So we have had to start on square one again, and had a few nights of crying after she is put down. But we will persevere. She has also stopped crying when put down for day naps (except for today...she cried and cried at her afternoon nap??!!) Finn also started crying after being put down - very uncharacteristic of him, so we are following the same method after soothing him twice max.
Favourite Things:Crawling around the new huge veranda and exploring. Finn ate some bird poo the other day = great. And Becky squashed an ant...shame poor ant.
Dislikes: Still not loving tuna or fish...wonder where they got that from... . Eating. Being changed. Lying on their backs. Eating. Did I say eating?
Looking forward to: Less moaning and crying during change times and calm peaceful bedtimes.
Mommy and Daddy musings:Oh babies, how beautiful you are. Even when you are crying or moaning you make me want to squish you with kisses and hugs. And when you fall and cry that hurt cry, I want to run to you and make it all better just to see your little smile again. You are learning so many new things and we love watching you grow. I love your soft hair tickling my face and your little grabbing hands clutching at my neck as I pick you up. Becky, your serious little face when you wake up until you crack your first smile and fall into my arms for a little hug just melt my heart. Finn, your huge grin when I say good morning and when you take my hair with your thumb to suck it just makes me want to squeeze you with all the love I have. We are so proud of our little treasures and you are doing so well. Love you booboos.
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Developmental notes: Both are still standing around and balancing nicely. They then drop to the floor and crawl off at great speeds. They both realise now that the bed has an edge and are learning to turn around and push off backwards. They have started to be fascinated by putting objects inside other things - the shape circle toy is a great hit but they get so frustrated when the shape doesn't fit. Finn loves standing in his push cart like a chariot and he loves wheels and things that move. Rebecca loves the ball pool and diving into it. Her newest words are "giggle" and "tickle" and they both say "daddy" perfectly. They also say "weeeeeeee". Rebecca is an exceptional mimic and often still says once off words, so clearly you wonder if you heard right. I think she is storing them all up in her fast developing brain for later brilliant articulation lol. Finn still calls out mumum for me. They love it when I play round and round the garden on their hands and they giggle loudly as I tickle them under their armies.
Both have started disliking being changed and sometimes cry and kick when we put them on the changing mat for a change - really no idea why. It is hectic as they kick me in my stomach, they are getting too big for the changing table but it still so convenient that I am loathe to change the set up. Becs has never liked being changed and still cries after bathtime as we dress her...so tiresome and we wish they would both just happily lie there but alas. Of course they could also just be really tired by that stage and we are lucky that bathtime is always a happy time. There are no new teeth...wonder when the next lot will arrive.
Eating: Mmmm...Becs has started being disinterested in all the usual foods she loved - very frustrating. I think it is ingrained into us that we must make sure kids eat their food, but after reading up on it, I know I should chill - have read that their growth slows down now and often they do not need as much food as they have been getting. Also a child will not let themselves starve and will eat if hungry. It is still hard though as I love seeing them enjoy food. Finn still eats pretty much everything and has gone from being sensitive to textures to pretty much eating whatever you give him. Becs new favourite is peanut butter on bread. She also way prefers feeding herself so I have started putting a variety of food chopped up in front of her and that's how she has been eating for the past few days. I have also wondered if it is because the milky tea during the day may be filling her up? They are supposed to be drinking at least 300mls of milk a day which they do between their morning and evening bottles, so I am going to give them none or less milk during the day and see if that makes a difference. On the other hand I have been worrying that they are not getting enough liquids as they don't really drink a lot of water during the day - how do you know if they need more liquids??
Just after I wrote this...we had the worst lunch feeding EVER! Both freaking out, crying and not wanting to eat anything...a first! Finn had face planted and hurt his mouth so am hoping that was his problem and Rebecca had a few mouthfuls of rice and pumpkin and some small pieces of lamb and then started fog-horning! Geesh she can kwef...she has this loud na na na na screech. They used to LOVE lamb and veg...well not now. I landed up giving them a peanut butter brown bread sami...not great but they ate that! Please babies snap out of this food strike phase. I don't want to fill you up on bread...
Sleep: So we did seperate them and it has been SO much better as we do not rush in at the first peep, hearts racing to avoid a double wake up anymore. Even though I would prefer them to be together, it is actually much less stressful now. Sleep training went really well in the beginning and then Becs got a snotty nose again...and it says do not sleep train when they are sick. So we have had to start on square one again, and had a few nights of crying after she is put down. But we will persevere. She has also stopped crying when put down for day naps (except for today...she cried and cried at her afternoon nap??!!) Finn also started crying after being put down - very uncharacteristic of him, so we are following the same method after soothing him twice max.
Favourite Things:Crawling around the new huge veranda and exploring. Finn ate some bird poo the other day = great. And Becky squashed an ant...shame poor ant.
Dislikes: Still not loving tuna or fish...wonder where they got that from... . Eating. Being changed. Lying on their backs. Eating. Did I say eating?
Looking forward to: Less moaning and crying during change times and calm peaceful bedtimes.
Mommy and Daddy musings:Oh babies, how beautiful you are. Even when you are crying or moaning you make me want to squish you with kisses and hugs. And when you fall and cry that hurt cry, I want to run to you and make it all better just to see your little smile again. You are learning so many new things and we love watching you grow. I love your soft hair tickling my face and your little grabbing hands clutching at my neck as I pick you up. Becky, your serious little face when you wake up until you crack your first smile and fall into my arms for a little hug just melt my heart. Finn, your huge grin when I say good morning and when you take my hair with your thumb to suck it just makes me want to squeeze you with all the love I have. We are so proud of our little treasures and you are doing so well. Love you booboos.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Vaccinating...
What is it about vaccinations that make me feel like I am not doing the right thing? The intellectual side of me understands the merits, is conscious of the advantages of protecting our children from possible really serious illnesses and actually agrees with the logic of the herd philosophy. Why then, is the gut instinct, emotional side of me so hesitant, distrusting of the drug company financial motivations and concerned about possible side effects - I mean - no scientific studies have actually been conclusive and despite the outright refute of previous claims about the autism link at the end of the spectrum, I can't help but wonder...are they really okay for my kids and their growing brains and bodies? How do we really know for sure if there are any side effects?
Do. Not. Google. You will find thousands of parent testimonies about how their children were developmentally affected after receiving vaccinations. Very scary stuff. So I ordered a kindle book immediately which I hoped would shed some light on the matter. Written by a MD, it is not anti vaccination but provides his objective overview based on suggestions about which are must-do and which are optional and why. Informative yes. But he still indicates that no-one is really really sure if your child is the one in a thousand that could be affected by a vaccination - it really is the risk you take when you immunize. Risk. You. Take. A bit like holding a loaded gun isn't it?
Have you seen all the books on the subject? There are so many conflicting opinions - either pro or anti...or very very anti. Also written by MD's or scientists saying "it is a contravention of basic human rights" to "vaccinations can cause harm - serious harm in some respects" to "are we willing to sacrifice one child so 100 may live and so on..." This hasn't really left me feeling comfortable one way or the other. I personally know of a story on both sides of the camp - one where a child was not immmunised and died and another where a baby was mistakenly immunised twice with the incorrect dosages and is now in a mental institution.
After receiving the vaccinations for Chicken Pox and Hep B last week, Finn had the strangest response - he didn't cry at all while being injected but that night and the following night he was incredibly hyperactive and we battled to get him to go to sleep. This was completely out of character. Coincidental or a side-effect?
They have finished the state provided vaccinations and we are supposed to be taking them for a booster shot for pneuccol something and for ear infections - pricey but recommended and then the MMR at 18 months...also private.
How do you know what to do? I mean really know?
How would I feel if my babies were developmentally affected in even a small way from receiving vaccinations which we forced them to have?
Do. Not. Google. You will find thousands of parent testimonies about how their children were developmentally affected after receiving vaccinations. Very scary stuff. So I ordered a kindle book immediately which I hoped would shed some light on the matter. Written by a MD, it is not anti vaccination but provides his objective overview based on suggestions about which are must-do and which are optional and why. Informative yes. But he still indicates that no-one is really really sure if your child is the one in a thousand that could be affected by a vaccination - it really is the risk you take when you immunize. Risk. You. Take. A bit like holding a loaded gun isn't it?
Have you seen all the books on the subject? There are so many conflicting opinions - either pro or anti...or very very anti. Also written by MD's or scientists saying "it is a contravention of basic human rights" to "vaccinations can cause harm - serious harm in some respects" to "are we willing to sacrifice one child so 100 may live and so on..." This hasn't really left me feeling comfortable one way or the other. I personally know of a story on both sides of the camp - one where a child was not immmunised and died and another where a baby was mistakenly immunised twice with the incorrect dosages and is now in a mental institution.
After receiving the vaccinations for Chicken Pox and Hep B last week, Finn had the strangest response - he didn't cry at all while being injected but that night and the following night he was incredibly hyperactive and we battled to get him to go to sleep. This was completely out of character. Coincidental or a side-effect?
They have finished the state provided vaccinations and we are supposed to be taking them for a booster shot for pneuccol something and for ear infections - pricey but recommended and then the MMR at 18 months...also private.
How do you know what to do? I mean really know?
How would I feel if my babies were developmentally affected in even a small way from receiving vaccinations which we forced them to have?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
More snot and sleep adventures
And just as we thought we had landed in peaceful sleep land, poor little Becky has a snotty nose again. So at 10pm she woke up very miserable and snotty and couldn't breathe nicely. I left her to cry a little but after 10 minutes it was unbearable. So I googled. And it says do not sleep train when sick. So I went into her room and tried to soothe her. She started crying again and after 45 minutes of on and off again crying and misery, I eventually dosed her with some meds. She finally went back to sleep and slept until morning.
Finn has also started changing his bedtime behaviour...instead of drinking his bottle in my arms and then drifting off peacefully to sleep in his cot, he becomes loud and hyper and refuses his bottle and stands up in his cot playing with the curtains instead of self soothing himself to sleep. At least he doesn't really cry. So it seems a little sleep training with our boy is going to be needed. I think the take-out is...nothing stays the same and especially with two babies...be prepared for something to change everyday!
Sleeptime adventures dear babies...keeping mom and dad on their toes lol!
Finn has also started changing his bedtime behaviour...instead of drinking his bottle in my arms and then drifting off peacefully to sleep in his cot, he becomes loud and hyper and refuses his bottle and stands up in his cot playing with the curtains instead of self soothing himself to sleep. At least he doesn't really cry. So it seems a little sleep training with our boy is going to be needed. I think the take-out is...nothing stays the same and especially with two babies...be prepared for something to change everyday!
Sleeptime adventures dear babies...keeping mom and dad on their toes lol!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Good nights!
Amazingly, little Becky has been sleeping like a dream.
Since doing sleep training last weekend, she now lets me carry her to her cot and tuck her in without too much fuss and she. Goes. To. Sleep. She whimpers a little as I pick her up sometimes and might let out a little cry as I tuck her in, but that's it. And she sleeps the next 11 - 12 hours with no complaints. One night last week she started crying just after 10pm which was strange so I had to go in to check just in case but just resettled her and she was fine. Now, when we go in to wake her at 06h45, she is sometimes awake chatting to her teddy bear and sometimes still dozing, but in good spirits and absolutely fine.
She started crying during her afternoon nap last week but this has also improved - could be she is just not as sleepy so she objects more when Silvs puts her down. On the weekend she didn't cry at all, so hopefully she is getting used to it. We have had sleep-throughs every night for the past week - fabulous! This from dreading the "night on duty" when she would wake up two or three times and we would have to dash into their room so she didn't wake up Finn. Now as they are seperated, the stress of them waking each other up is gone! I can't believe what a difference this has made - now we don't feel like we have to run into their room, we can actually wait a little to see how long they cry for before running to them. Most of the time, if there is a little moaning or crying, it is only for a little while and they they go back to sleep.
I don't like the fact that they are in seperate rooms at all...but if it means peaceful sleeping, then so be it for now. We will move them back together at some point - maybe when they go into big beds and we make the study their bedroom and playroom...we will see.
Now I just have to get my DH to stop snoring so we can sleep in the same bed again lol!
She started crying during her afternoon nap last week but this has also improved - could be she is just not as sleepy so she objects more when Silvs puts her down. On the weekend she didn't cry at all, so hopefully she is getting used to it. We have had sleep-throughs every night for the past week - fabulous! This from dreading the "night on duty" when she would wake up two or three times and we would have to dash into their room so she didn't wake up Finn. Now as they are seperated, the stress of them waking each other up is gone! I can't believe what a difference this has made - now we don't feel like we have to run into their room, we can actually wait a little to see how long they cry for before running to them. Most of the time, if there is a little moaning or crying, it is only for a little while and they they go back to sleep.
I don't like the fact that they are in seperate rooms at all...but if it means peaceful sleeping, then so be it for now. We will move them back together at some point - maybe when they go into big beds and we make the study their bedroom and playroom...we will see.
Now I just have to get my DH to stop snoring so we can sleep in the same bed again lol!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sleep training update...
Sleep training is going well so far. I must admit I was really stressed about using the "extinction" method rather than the gradual approach, but it sure has worked fast. The first night, we moved Becs cot to the study and as soon as she had finished her bottle, instead of rocking and patting her to sleep and then taking her to her cot, I picked her up, gave her a dummy and walked with her to her cot and gently put her down and tucked her in.
Well, to say she was affronted is putting it mildly! She screamed in protest and then cried hard for about 15 -20 minutes. And then she went to sleep. We went in to check on her and she had turned around completely and had passed out, so I tucked her in and covered her with a blankie. When we rushed in to check on her the next morning at 6:30am, she was still asleep in the same position. Then on the second night, she cried for 5 minutes and went to sleep, also to be woken the next morning in the same position! And last night, she went down with a little whimper but no crying at all. Tonight, she cried a few little ones but settled down quickly.
This makes me wonder if they were not disturbing each other more than we thought? Finn has also been sleeping a little later and he has uncommonly had a few wake ups at night which is unusual for him. Maybe he knows his sister is not there, or he is scared of the dark as I have turned off the night light to keep the room nice and dark.
My hope is that after a while if they settle nicely into going to sleep without intervention, then we can move them back into the same room! I really wanted them to share a room especially when they move into big beds. My plan was to convert the study, which is a really big double room into their bedroom on the one side and a playroom on the other. Hope this will work out.
But in the meantime, here's to helping our babbas learn healthy sleeping habits for their health and ours!
Well, to say she was affronted is putting it mildly! She screamed in protest and then cried hard for about 15 -20 minutes. And then she went to sleep. We went in to check on her and she had turned around completely and had passed out, so I tucked her in and covered her with a blankie. When we rushed in to check on her the next morning at 6:30am, she was still asleep in the same position. Then on the second night, she cried for 5 minutes and went to sleep, also to be woken the next morning in the same position! And last night, she went down with a little whimper but no crying at all. Tonight, she cried a few little ones but settled down quickly.
This makes me wonder if they were not disturbing each other more than we thought? Finn has also been sleeping a little later and he has uncommonly had a few wake ups at night which is unusual for him. Maybe he knows his sister is not there, or he is scared of the dark as I have turned off the night light to keep the room nice and dark.
My hope is that after a while if they settle nicely into going to sleep without intervention, then we can move them back into the same room! I really wanted them to share a room especially when they move into big beds. My plan was to convert the study, which is a really big double room into their bedroom on the one side and a playroom on the other. Hope this will work out.
But in the meantime, here's to helping our babbas learn healthy sleeping habits for their health and ours!
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